My life is deeply effected by this trauma I faced in my life. I honestly never wanted to have an abortion. I wanted my baby badly. But I was so scared that no one would help me. Taking care of a baby on my own would have been a big change. Everyone told me abortion is the best option. Feeling alone was the worst feeling ever. Now I am left with this hurt for the rest of my life.I feel regret and sadness. I wish I could go back and take my baby back. When I see other babies or children it reminds me of what I could of had. Finding out someone is pregnant hits me the most. I feel my baby would have been a girl. I gave her the name Kacey Hope
From the beginning of May 2010 I noticed I was gaining weight. I never wanted to believe of the possibility of being pregnant. On May 12, 2010 my life changed. I went to the Birth Control Clinic at the London-Middlesex Health Unit. I went for S.T.I Testing. During the testing they did a pregnancy test. I was waiting in a room. The doctor walked in and paused. He goes " You are pregnant". I was starting to cry and said "Are you sure that cant be wrong". He said "No, you are at least 4 weeks pregnant". I started crying a lot and said " I want an abortion right now". They said I couldn't unless I went to Toronto. So they gave me a phone number to call. That night I couldn't even sleep. I was so devastated that I had a little baby growing inside of me.
On May 13, 2010, I called the Woman's Health Clinic at Victoria Hospital to book an abortion. They said I had to wait until I was 8 weeks. They booked my ultrasound for June 4, 2010. During my wait the morning sickness started. It was horrible I was getting sick every day. I would go on the internet and look up week by week how big the baby got. I was very fascinated by it. There were times I really wanted to keep the baby. Fear took over though. The fear of giving birth, raising a baby, and adoption all scared me. I was so consumed in worry and there was no one to help me raise this child. So I went forward with the easy way out even though I really didn't want too.
On June 4, 2010 my friend picked me up from my place to take me to the ultrasound. I went in alone, I was in this alone. This lady put jelly on my belly and told me to just lay down. This was my very first and only ultrasound. I asked "Do you see it?" She said "Yes, do you want to see?" I agreed with some excitement. She turned the screen towards me and I could make out everything. I saw the shape of the babies face and head. She pointed to a little circle moving and said "Do you see that?" I said "Yes", She said "That is the beating heart". I asked her how far along I was. She told me I was 8 weeks and 4 days. When I got home I did a lot of thinking on way's I could possibly keep this baby. I came up with many, but fear would always make me think, abortion is probably the best thing. I even prayed to God and asked him to help me think of something before it was too late. I continued to look up on the computer how big the baby was. The morning sickness continued daily until the pregnancy was terminated. Every night, I would touch my belly, to see if I could feel anything moving. I started to feel love for this child.
June 18, 2010, would be the last day this baby had life in me. It was the worst feeling in my whole life. I wanted something or someone to stop me. I felt so alone. My friend and I went to Victoria Hospital at 7a.m. The appointment was at 7:30a.m. When I got there I was led into a room with a lot of people. They gave me a gown and slippers to put on. I was in bed for a half hour until they told me to take two white pills. Once you take these pills, you can't change your mind. Then they put an IV in my left hand. As I sat there with my friend, I noticed a lot of women, especially young, walking in. They where all crying. I could tell why, they where in there for the same reason I was. I asked my friend "How come I am not crying?", he told me it was because I was thinking more about myself instead of this little one inside of me. I didn't believe that though. I did care about this baby.
At 8 30am it was time for me to go to the operating room to have the abortion. They put some sleeping medicine in my IV and I made the doctors laugh when I said I feel funny. They held a breathing mask to my face and within 10 seconds I fell asleep. I woke up in the recovery room. I was only asleep for a half hour. I was no longer pregnant. My little one is no longer growing inside of me. I let my baby go to heaven. I let my baby go at 11 weeks. Kari Lynn
A Twin Lives Through an Abortion
by Nancy Flanders
When Meg Perez was 18 years old and far from home with the military, she became pregnant. Having been raised Catholic and pro-life, she knew in her heart that abortion was not an option. So, she took an honorable discharge and made her way back home to be with her family for support. She decided that she would place her son for adoption and was blessed to find a Catholic adoption attorney who helped her find Catholic parents who would raise her child in the Church. The couple she chose were unable to have children, and Meg knew they were the right people to become her son’s parents. But letting go of her baby was extremely difficult.
“Looking back, during the pregnancy I really was kind of in denial,” says Meg, “I was just trying to get through it. I denied the fact that I really wanted to keep him because I knew in my heart I couldn’t be a good parent to him at 18. I knew that I would have to depend on my parents for help. There was a lot ahead of me and I was given the grace to be able to be mature beyond my years. I loved him more than I loved myself and that’s what adoption and being a parent is about.”
After she had her baby and he was with his adoptive parents, Meg decided she didn’t want more children. She continued on with her life, attending church weekly and working, but she wasn’t leading the life she felt God wanted her to. She drown her sorrows in alcohol and says she wasted a lot of years just lost, with no direction. She tried to reach out to her son’s adoptive family through her attorney, but they denied the request.
“That was very hurtful to me,” she explains, “That fueled a lot of my anger and I floundered around for years. I suffered through an eating disorder. I had a very prayerful family and a good foundation of faith. It was a situation where I really suffered tremendously. It wasn’t a bad thing. It was redemptive pain. When you’re a confused young person and you have a hole in your heart, it’s tough to fill that.”
Meg went on to a career in TV news and eventually married. During her marriage she suffered four miscarriages, including one with twins. She now wanted children and she and her husband finally had a son, but their marriage ended abruptly after she discovered her husband’s lies and addictions. Meg and her son moved back to her hometown to start over, and a year later, at the age of 41, she became pregnant through a casual relationship. She was excited. She wanted her baby and her son wanted a sibling. But when she told the father, he said he wanted nothing to do with the child, would not stay with her, and would not help her financially or in any other way. Meg was devastated.